


Employing A Butler

by thinkpink20



Category: British Comedian RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-27
Updated: 2012-02-27
Packaged: 2017-10-31 19:58:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/347813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinkpink20/pseuds/thinkpink20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the homoerotic butler sketch from <i> That Mitchell and Webb Look. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Employing A Butler

They don't really need to be here; Rob is painfully aware of this. He keeps thinking one of the crew will have left something behind, come back to get it and find them,   
running through scenes that they're already more than proficient at. It would look weird and Rob is already slightly worried they've been nicknamed the odd men of   
comedy.

But he doesn't want to leave, either. He was actually so afraid that Abi would ring him and ask him why he was late that he turned his phone off in his pocket a while   
ago and now feels it pressing guiltily against his thigh. David has _finally_ been acting like he might be open to this and Rob doesn't want anything to frighten him away like a timid badger.

Though perhaps thinking of him as a timid badger isn't the best way to initiate things.

"I think the butler scene needs a bit of work too," David says in the most faux-relaxed voice Rob has ever heard. He watches as the edges of David's cheeks turn bright red where his head isn't buried in the script.

"Yeah, sure."

Shit. Rob feels his hands shaking. Not a good look. But how long has he been waiting for this now? Ten years? If he'd have known all it was going to take to tempt David out of his metaphorical closet was a bit of Jeeves and Wooster role-play, he would have whipped out his Wodehouse years ago. 

When David doesn't speak again, Rob starts to fear he's lost his bottle. "Shall we take it from the top, then?"

As they move into position, the studio feels emptier than it has all afternoon; the make-shift bed from earlier rehearsals looks more tiny than ever. And the weird  
atmosphere that has had Rob in a state of mild sexual anticipation since this morning is now so thick he's surprised he can barely wade through it. David has definitely gone quiet - cold feet? Plain old fear? Or just David being David? 

"You ready?" Rob asks. He hopes David isn't expecting him to be any more in charge than that; just because he's the one with the relationship skills doesn't mean he's read the hand-book on how to seduce your comedy partner - though Rob is pretty sure that if one does exist, Stephen Fry probably wrote it.

"Yeah, sure."

David brushes invisible dust from his shirt and fusses around with his watch as he gets onto the bed. He is clearing his throat anxiously the way Rob has seen him do at the end of the night after a party when he's expected to take a girl home and he hasn't had quite enough to drink. It's making Rob nervous and he has to stop himself shouting, "Christ, David!" 

Which he has been known to do in the past, on infrequent occasions.

"Right, so the butler comes in," Rob says, plodding over from the fake doorway and staring intently at the script. He already knows the lines, but can't look up in case David sees him blushing. "And then you say..."

David quotes his first line, Rob settles in, parries back with his. The monotonous repartition is strangely calming, or at least would be if there wasn't a great sex-shaped elephant in the room, winking suggestively and waving his trunk about.

And then suddenly it's time for Rob to get onto the bed too (they should have made the talking part of this scene much longer for courage purposes, maybe even incorporated a few shots of something 100% proof). He manages it with surprising ease, then discovers David is just staring at him.

"David?"

"What?"

"Your arm."

"What about my arm?"

"You're supposed to put it across my shoulders."

"Oh."

Rob can see how fast he's breathing. It's distracting, the rise and fall of his chest. He finds himself staring at David's lips, the bottom one slightly careworn from all that biting he does and refusing to apply lipbalm because 'its far too girly'.

Eventually he lifts his arm. Rob slips neatly into it. 

"God," David says, barely audible, on an exhale. It makes Rob's stomach flip.

"David?"

"What?"

David still seems unable to stop staring, but that's okay because Rob can't stop either.

"Don't pull away like a frightened mouse, alright?"

David nods. "Alright."

Then Rob kisses him. There's a brief moment of self congratulation that he's finally done it, then he realises that David is so nervous it's like kissing a bit of two by four. This distinct lack of relaxation is confirmed by a sudden gripping hand on Rob's arm, the one that is resting across his lap, the one that has the hand David is supposed to hold in the scene. It speaks vaguely of terror and desperation.

In a moment of calm control that he isn't actually sure he feels, Rob lifts his hand and touches the curve of David's jaw, lets his fingers slide against there very briefly and all of a sudden David goes soft against him.

He actually starts kissing back.

Rob parts his lips, runs his tongue once through David's mouth as an experiment. He feels a sharp sense of relief and arousal when the wet and sloppy nature of David's kiss gets even wetter and sloppier. In the room all he can hear now are the noises of them kissing like teenagers; David is more than a little bit un-coordinated at this. Rob mentally files away the slightly weird fact that that thought turns him on.

"Rob?"

"What?" He opens his eyes, wonders why they've stopped. He finds himself thinking that if David has chosen now to chicken out, he might just have to hit him over the head with the script.

"You're - you're crushing my hand."

Rob looks down. He is. He is holding David's hand - which has gone white from Rob’s own terror and desperation that he didn't know he had.

"Sorry, mate."

David smiles. "That's alright, Butler."

Rob hits him with the script.


End file.
